Marriage is one of the oldest institutions in our society. History of this civil union can be traced back to ancient times during the “cradle of civilization.” It is an institution that is the basis of what makes a family. Marriage determined your inheritance to land and other assets. Marriage determined who was the heir to ancient kingdoms, and the foundation of monarchies throughout history. Now, the modern day definition of marriage has been construed into being scandals, barter and trade exchanges between families, false expectations that leads to a life of misery, and (my personal favorite) a guaranteed golden ticket for women being financially set for the rest of their lives. The problem with our modern day perception of marriage is that it sucks. You barely see any positive references to 
marriage. Most of us have this perception of marriage based on what we see in the media (TV, tabloids, movies, etc) and what we may have seen at home. During our childhood, our parents’ relationships may or may not have involved both married parents (rare), both parents together but not married, both parents but divorced, single parent with step parent, adoptive parent(s), single parent, and unfortunately some with no parents at all. It makes us wonder: what is marriage? What does marriage mean? How is it understood? I will address all of these questions but let’s take a look at marriage from the approach of modern day society.
According to the American Oxford Dictionary, marriage by definition is “the formal union of a man and a woman, typically recognized by law, by which they become husband and wife.” This may be the proper definition of marriage but how does society define marriage? Is it the same definition? Some people define marriage as two people that love each other becoming one. Well, if that’s true then why is same sex marriage not legal? Some may say marriage is defined by your culture. It is to an extent, but how do certain cultures view marriage? For example, a dowry, which is practice in the Hindu culture, is property or money brought by a bride to her husband on their marriage. That’s where the idea of “gold digger” came from but in reverse. Some may say marriage is “what you make it.” In some respect that can be true too depending on the effectiveness of your marriage counseling. In my opinion, the best definition of marriage is marrying your best friend (no matter your sexual orientation). Everyone is entitled to their own view of marriage. Ultimately, marriage is defined by your practice of faith and/or your state of residency.
Many views of marriage have changed over time just as the socialization of women. Women have it all. We can get out of a speeding ticket by a dropping a tear, we can persuade men to do what we want just by a simple compliment and a wink, and other methods of manipulation that cannot be revealed as I’m sworn to secrecy. It’s great being a woman. It has its ups and it has its downs and marriage can be one of them. As I get older, I feel the pressure from my family questioning about me getting married. I just sit back and watch them chat about my love life as if they live it. It’s quite interesting because apparently they know more than me. Women are taught to get married, have babies, raise the children, cook, and clean. We are also taught these hopelessly romantic stories of “Prince Charmings,” “Knights in Shining Armor,” that will come save us in our moments of despair as we play the role of “damsels in distress.” Fairy tales were the beginning of this false definition of love and marriage. Disney didn’t help with the expectation of “Happily Ever 
After” either. So, women are taught false expectations of marriage equating to instant happiness from childhood. Really hard to break that cycle. This pattern of false expectation has led to decades of disappointment. Women that are lonely, insecure, having self identity issues, “Daddy” issues ultimately result to relationships and marriage as their “cure” to happiness when it’s all a lie. Getting married and having a family will not get rid of these problems of “feeling incomplete” but will only bring them out more. Today, the modern day woman wants the perfect career, the perfect husband, and the perfect family all while maintaining a balanced life.
A prime example of women and false expectations in a sibling rivalry kind of way is The Kardashian Sisters: Kourtney, Khloe, and Kim. Kourtney was the first Kardashian sister to get pregnant and after that the rest was history. Khole got married to Lamar Odom then Kim felt left out. So, not knowing what she’s getting into, Kim marries Kris Humphries and after 72 days of wedding bliss she filed for divorce. Did you think that stopped her thoughts of her biological clock? Kim being in her early 30’s, dating Kanye West while 
“separated,” along with her yearning desperation to start a family, gets pregnant by the Chicago rapper. Coincidence? I don’t think so. She wanted a baby for a long time and even on the show Keeping Up with The Kardashians, she would constantly whine about not being married and not having a baby. I would say smart move on her part for getting what she wants but she’s not that smart. She’s still legally married to Kris Humphries.(We all know her IQ wasn’t that high anyway) In the state of California “a man is presumed to be the natural father of a child if he is or has been married to the mother.” This means that until the divorce is finalized, Kris Humphries has legal rights to Kimye’s baby even with a paternity test proving that Kanye West is the biological father.
This is why it’s important to know the laws and conditions of marriages. Marriage is a legally binding contract within a state, meaning once you become a union in the eyes of the law you are seen as one entity. Marriage laws are regulated by your state of residency and are not the same in every state even by definition.
According to California Family Code, the definition of marriage is
“Marriage is a personal relation arising out of a civil
contract between a man and a woman, to which the consent of the
parties capable of making that contract is necessary.”
Most states will have similar language to their own definition of marriage but the significance remains the same. State marriage laws all mention contract, union, civil contract, or civil union. Legally you are a union and socially you are a conjugal family. Being a member of this new legal entity, you are automatically granted certain rights that are covered by the marriage laws in your state. For example, the California Family Code, where the husband is presumed the legal father, is a law that was created to protect women from irresponsible fathers. That way if the wife were to conceive, and the husband is not being responsible after birth, the wife has every right to file a petition for child support without a paternity test. Another example of custody would be the death of a mother or father which would automatically reward the surviving legal parent sole custody. Common law marriages do not guarantee these rights because every state has their own legal definition of common law marriage. For most states a couple has to live together up to 7 years unmarried before the woman can claim the title of common law wife. What if the same death scenario occurs to a couple 2 years prior to the state’s common law marriage requirement? Depending on the laws of the state, since there is no legal union, that state can take custody of the children until a paternity test is produced proving that the surviving parent is the biological parent. Why do you think gays and lesbians want the right to marry? The union of marriage guarantees rights like no other legal contract and domestic partnerships are not civil contracts or civil unions.
Divorce is one reason why many people decide to take route of common law marriage. They don’t want to go through a divorce and divorces are ugly. Most states divide all assets acquired during marriage 50/50. Can you imagine being married for 25 years and then having to split all your net worth in half with someone you shared almost a lifetime with? That’s a lot to cover and this is why finalizing divorces can take so long. All your finances are questioned! It’s similar to being audited by the IRS. You have to hide money in other banks, have a safe deposit box, open accounts in your kids name (I used to work at a bank so I’ve seen it all) just to protect your former “other half” from taking all your worth. Now, it’s time to mention prenuptial agreements! Prenuptial agreements are contracts where a certain condition that has or has not been met apply to the condition of your marriage. These conditions mentioned within 
prenuptial agreements protect you from what could possibly lie ahead. Many people that get married don’t acknowledge prenuptial agreements as an option prior to marriage due to the negative perception associated with them. Your partner might mention “prenup” and all you hear is “divorce.”
This is why it’s important to consult a lawyer for your legal protection and responsibilities. Prenuptial agreements not only can protect your net worth from a scornful ex-partner, but can state fair circumstances that could happen during marriage that result in divorce. For example, a married couple decides to divorce due to mutual irreconcilable differences and have a prenuptial agreement stating “if divorce is mutual agreement parties keep all assets.” This statement simply means that this couple evades all the financial bickering involved in a divorce. Divorce still isn’t that simple and depends on the kind of agreement that you establish with your partner and your lawyer drafted.
The definition of marriage has been perverted throughout time where no one believes in it’s authenticity anymore. No one believes in it because no truly understands the significance of marriage. Don’t be fooled by what the media tells you, your family tells you, or even yourself. Understand and believe marriage by your own definition and what it legally means to save yourself from the corrupted images witnessed. The truth about marriage being misunderstood is that people are afraid of something they don’t understand.
****Legal Advice: Please click the links provided within in this post for additional information about laws concerning marriage, divorce, and prenuptial agreements. For laws about marriage you can always go to you state’s official website for specific information. Alternatively, for the best legal advice about divorce or drafting a prenuptial agreement, please speak to an attorney.
The Apathy Prevention Project 