Hello followers!
I am back once again. I have been leaving you in the midst of apathy but I’m here to redirect you once again.
Honestly, I have been wanting to post for a while but didn’t really know what to write about, until the book Lean In: Women, Work, and The Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg fell into my lap (from a trip to Barnes & Nobles…sorry Amazon).
Controversy obviously always grabs the public eye’s attention, but when I initially heard about this book I was intrigued by the outrage and backlash Sandberg was receiving–from women. That’s right–backlash from her own kind.
Some women took the offense to comments Sandberg was making such as “This book isn’t for everyone,” “Women attribute success to 
working hard, luck, and help from other people.” Other women that oppose Sandberg’s definition of the “modern” woman argue that the topics and issues she brings up in the book are invalid because she comes from privilege. For Sandberg, being a Harvard graduate did allow her to be open to different opportunities that would not have been exposed to the average American woman. Although Sandberg’s success speaks for itself, this backlash from women comes from taking what she has to say very personal. The whole “Who the hell does she think she is?” mantra.
Then, there were other women that were rallying Sandberg’s battle cry and agreeing with practically everything she said.
I am one of those women.
First, I recommend this book not only to women but to everyone who wants to be successful in today’s world. Sandberg brings attention to a lot of issues that are purposely avoided when it comes to women in the workplace, what is takes to have a career, and have a family.
This idea of “Lean In” started with a simple question : Why aren’t there more women leaders?
There are more women than men in the United States, there are more women than men that have their post-secondary education, so why aren’t there more women leaders? Why have we not progressed more into equality ? Why have we reverted back to age old gender roles?
Sandberg addresses all these issues along with the tools that can be used to start the change of what women are and can be in society.
Sandberg discusses how negative women with natural leadership skills are discouraged from self-expression. Women are taught to be
nurturing, kind, polite, and submissive. Any self-expression that does not exemplify the latter a woman is automatically a social outcast, labeled weird, or if she demonstrates any notion of aggression or assertiveness (being bossy) she is called a “BITCH.” If a woman is a natural leader, that should be encouraged by her peers, family, and society. We should not shun a woman for knowing how to be honest, outspoken, and straightforward with how they express themselves. When we shun these women and deem them as social outcasts, you just unintentionally invented a woman that became a bitch. This happens to women and it upsets them because characteristics that attribute to their personality–to who they are– are associated with androgyny.
Why does this only happen with women? Women are socialized into thinking that being a great woman (or a successful woman) is associated with being a wife and a mother. Women are not always taught to “keep the eye on the prize” when it comes to their dreams because being a wife and a mother is more acceptable by society than actually being a CEO of a company, a politician, or even President of the United States (Go Hilary 2016!). We fall into the constrictions of what is expected of us by society, our families, and our friends instead of following our dreams and listening to what we want for ourselves. What’s worse about this inkling of wanting anything different, is that women that chose the family path instead of the career path will love to bring up the topic of “my life is so much better than yours because I’m a mother with beautiful children while your just a CEO of some company” in the career woman’s face. Vice versa. This has to stop between women. You’re not helping the cause. Your quality of life is based on making your own decisions no matter how good or bad. So don’t judge the women that chose the career by trying to make them feel guilty or by making the mom feel guilty because she wanted a family.
Sandberg also discusses the big ultimatum that is a life changer for women and sometime men: your career or your family. From the Baby Boomers to Generation Jones, women are constantly given this ultimatum. Beginning with the Baby Boomers, women were sent to college to find a husband with an education–perfect candidates to become providers of family. They weren’t sent to college to learn, protest wars, think for themselves, or start a revolution. Obviously, this idea backfired. The women from Generation Jones were given more opportunity with education by becoming a part of the work force, but were only limited in their career choice. These careers included the basic teacher, secretary, caregiver, or nurse. What is different about these women is that they made their choice with many regret. Many of these women regret not going back to school, putting their dreams and plans on the side for the family and have sacrificed their quality of life to raise children and support their husband. These women leaned back.
Now, the Microwave Generation, my generation, have the ability to change the ultimatum that women before us faced with fear. Most of us that do plan on having a career are waiting until our 30s to have children while we finish our education (at least that’s what I’m doing). I want a career and a family. Children are expensive and I don’t want to set myself or my future children up for failure by not being able to provide for them. Usually, the breadwinning falls on the man alone, but we’re past that, and financially it makes sense to have two incomes supporting one household. Women are going to get their education and we’re actually going to do something with all those degrees besides be in debt.
What’s even better about this book is the advice Sandberg gives women that take the career and family route. Sandberg gives women the tools that modern women need to be successful in the home and in the workplace. Sandberg encourages women to positively mention issues that effect them in the workplace, encourages women to participate during meetings and conferences at work, and lastly, she encourages women to “Make Your Partner a Real Partner.”
This topic of discussion refers to men being more of a team player with gender roles within a marriage or relationship. Women that want a career can’t do it all and have it all. She can’t come home after a 12 hour day at the office, clean up the house, cook dinner, and put the children to bed by 8:30 at night. We’re not super heroes (even though we are women) we can’t do it all and it’s okay to get some help–from the men.
Men have to Lean In too! Lean In at home. Men, I’m not asking you to help us save the world, but do some laundry, clean the dishes, 
cook a meal for yourself and the kids! It will make everyone’s life less hectic and less stressful and much easier. Honestly, if you help out more at home you will have a closer relationship with your children and possibly a better sex life (Sandberg says it!). Also, as Sandberg says, you’re teaching your children, specifically boys, that it’s okay to help out at home. No need to be Mr. Mom or anything, but it’s essential to create a balance at home where you and your wife work together as a team.
If we keep gender roles designated, as we have in the past, we are only going to stagnate women and their true capabilities. If you love your wife you would want to see her flourish and not suffer with self-guilt and regret. Last but not least–men don’t get jealous of our success. That’s probably one of the worst things you can do to women is be jealous of her instead of supporting her while she is successful. That will lead to a divorce (read up on this entry). If women can support men while they are getting in their career, what’s wrong with men? You’re too manly to be supportive? Don’t think so.
All in all, this book relates to the modern woman. The woman that wants to have a successful career, a family, and a loving, supportive husband. Men have been doing it for years, why can’t we? This is where the gender bias is relatable. Women and men should be working together to help the world be better for the next generations. Sandberg used the Jewish phrase “Tikkun Olam” which means repairing the world to avoid social disharmony. We all know gender equality isn’t happening overnight but having more women leaders is at least one step closer to it. Lean in!
The Apathy Prevention Project 